by Rumour Miller on June 8, 2005

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“When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things: There will be earth upon which to stand, or you will be given wings to fly.”

The pain of infertility is so deep. All of our lives we take for granted that we will grow up and become parents. Craig and I waited for the right time to take that next step in our relationship. We wanted time to be just us. To enjoy eachother and the freedom to come and go with no worries of schedules for babies and children. Time to establish our careers, make our home a home and save some money for our future together.

We carefully planned and did all of those things and continue to do all of those things. I feel like, for the last two years, all my life has been about is trying to have a baby. Somedays I am consumed by it and wonder how I will ever get through it all with my sanity still in tact.

I wish we were one of those couples that easily became pregnant and had children when we planned to have children. I wish we did not know about charting and temperatures and EWCM. I wish we did not know that even healthy couples only have a 25% chance of conceiving in any cycle and that as we grow older our fertility significantly decreases. I wish we did not need to know that Craig has healthy sperm, lots of it and that they all move well. I wish we did not know what a chemical pregnancy was because of experience. I wish we did not need to see a specialist that will (god willing) help to us to become pregnant and have a baby. I wish we did not know the pain of infertility.

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Jenna June 8, 2005 at 2:18 pm

I’m so sorry that you and Craig are going through this. My prayers are with you both.

C June 8, 2005 at 3:25 pm

I have faith! What else do we have to go on…

Sweet Soul June 9, 2005 at 10:03 am

Faith is a powerful thing! Hold on tight to it…..

Samuel June 10, 2005 at 8:20 am

God does everything for a reason. Maybe now isn’t the time to focus on a child. Maybe he wants your attention else where and when your attention leaves the child, he will bless you. God is wonderful and continue to have faith in him and continue to pray. It was said to me one time, show me a man with little faith and I’ll show you a man who doesn’t pray. Pray without ceasing. The power of prayer is amazing.

Ladybug Ann June 11, 2005 at 11:14 am

I know a little of what you are going through. I have only been TTC 6 months. But like you, my husband and I waited until we are ready emotionally before we started trying. When that didn’t happen right away, it was frustrating. I wish we can all get pregnant right away too!

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