He would have been three

I picture him lean, cute, with light brown wavy hair.
Much like what my sister looked like when she was that age.
He would have been three today. We would be celebrating
with cake and ice cream and gifts.
Instead, we remember Logan Robert and wonder
what his first words would have been.

I will never forget the phone call
that changed our lives.
It was July 7, 2002 at 7:07 p.m.
My dad called me from 1600 kilometers away.
Michelle would have her baby today,
I will call later with more news.
My heart ached to be there with them.

The next call came at 10:00 p.m.
The baby was not born alive, stillborn.
I screamed No into the phone, I cried.
I paced, not knowing what to do.
Craig cried with me. We would leave in the
morning to be with our family.

I could not sleep. I could not sit still.
We did not wait for morning,we packed the car
and left by 11:00 p.m.
Through the tears, we drove all night.
Arriving at the hospital at 6:00 p.m.
I did not know how my sister was doing.
I worried about my parents.
I had to be strong.

My parents had lost their son
almost thirty years to the day.
They lived it all over again.

I realized how strong my bond is
with my sister, my family.
The pain was so real for all of us,
the healing has been slow.

Michelle is back on her feet again,
forever changed by this experience.
Whatever Gods reason we have begun
to accept it.

He would have been three today.
Calling me auntie and giggling
with glee.
Grampa’s sidekick and Gramma’s angel,
Logan Robert.