Dear God, From the Dog

by Rumour Miller on September 22, 2005

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Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still
the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the ” Chrysler Beagle”?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember
to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it
up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they
are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’. Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s
license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying
“hello”.
11. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee
table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not
after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
we have company.
16. The cat is not a ’squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven can I get my testicles back?

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{ 1 comment }

bbsgirl September 26, 2005 at 11:11 am

lol…very good…I needed the laugh.

(been away for a few days and I’m catching up on your blog)

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