One thing I know about me….

by Rumour Miller on October 3, 2005

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I hate conflict.
I hate fighting.
I hate being mad at someone
and I hate when someone is mad
at me.

We moved here in January of 2004.
Great employment opportunities
but also the chance to reconnect
with family. Cousins, Aunts,
Unlces and a Grandmother.

For an entire year, I thought things
were good. Craig and I made a point
of driving the 45 minutes (almost) every
week to visit my Grandmother.

Then March 2005 a bombshell is dropped.
My Grandmother and an Aunt are angry
with Craig and I. Over a misunderstanding.
She has her version of events and we have ours.

It is eating me up inside. I called my Grandmother
in March 2005 to clear the air and move on.
I thought that is what we did. She said she
was not mad. Sigh of relief but a relationship
left tarnished after it all.

Then we attend two family functions in less than
a month. Grandmother does not look at us, does not
acknowledge us and certainly does not talk to us.
I am sick to my stomach, now what is going on.

I finally tell my Dad (reluctantly because I know
that he will call her). He does, they fight, she
hangs up on him.

Great. Now I am responsible for a family feud. This
is stressful and we are very upset. How do we move past
this if my Grandmother won’t? She’s not young.

I watch her hold my cousins baby and I know that she will never
hold mine.

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BonnyT October 3, 2005 at 12:36 pm

This sucks, Rumour. The truth is, old people are stubborn, and they CHOOSE to be angry most of the time….
I don’t what I can say to make things better, but a grudge one of the most favourite things they like to hold…babies even AFTER that…

She will hold yours. She won’t be able to resist.

Terri October 3, 2005 at 12:40 pm

Sorry to hear about this…it is so hard when there is conflict happening…especially at a time when you are going through one of the most exciting times of your life, expecting your baby. I think and hope that maybe by the time you have the baby that your grandma will have sooftened and I have faith you will get to see her hold your baby too. Life is much too short to hold grudges and I really hope that your grandma realizes this too. Hang in there…know that even though she may be upset that you have a huge extended family that can’t wait to hold that little babe.

onewise___woman October 3, 2005 at 1:47 pm

Nicole.. I have learned that just because we age, doesn’t necessarily make us any wiser!! Often it seems just the reverse. When I look in the mirror I am constantly surprised at the old lady looking back at me because in my head I can still feel 45,35,25 and yes even 15 at times. However I have also learned that we can love people even when we abhor their actions. So my wish for you is to concentrate on loving and forgiving your grandma and loving your sweetie and your life and spending your time enjoying every minute of your life-changes so that you have no time to waste worring and fretting over SHIT that just happens.
also want to let you know that I really enjoy this page and a long distance eye into your life. My very best wishes for a healthy happy pregnancy.
Love Ya Auntie Alice
P.S. the user name is only wishful thinking and just because we live on the “3 Wise Men” tree farm

Karen October 3, 2005 at 7:50 pm

is there any way to talk to your aunt? the one that was mad along with your grandma? maybe that may be a channel to resolve this whole thing. I am sure in time it will all ease up and hopefully blow over. Family squabbles are something you should not have at this wonderful time in your life. I hope it gets worked out soon. do what you can to try and resolve this but let it go enough so you can still enjoy this amazing time in your lives.
take care,

Rumour Miller October 4, 2005 at 3:05 pm

Thank you for your comments. I have tried to bridge that gap with both my Aunt and my Grandmother. The “incident” that I refer to allegedly happened in March of 2004. I did not even know about it until March 2005, at which time I immediately tried to talk to them about it.

bbsgirl October 4, 2005 at 9:45 pm

family fueds are common in my family….we were disowned my our grandmother because she disagreed with something my sister did and my mother didn’t challenge it. Stupid and it has been her loss ever since. We tried for awhile to mend the fence and it was good for a few years…then grandma went back to being herself and now my mother hasn’t spoken to her for nearly 2 years. Some people are just hell bent on being the way they are. I’m not all sure I’d want my baby around someone that wants to ignore family members.

I’ll keep you and craig and baby in my prayers.

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