Our Journey

by Rumour Miller on December 13, 2005

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During my brief ride on the infertility train (I say brief because it was only two years and for some the ride lasts a lifetime) I honestly thought that we were on it alone. We were the only couple sitting in the seats staring blankly at eachother. Many times not knowing what to say and other times the silence filled with, “What do you want for supper?”, “I love you”, and of course, “Should we do it again today or do you think we have done it enough?”

The thing about infertility is that you often have no idea that you even boarded the train let alone when you are going to get off. While we were taking our ride it felt like a life time. The longest two years of my life, seriously. The pain is indescribable and I think that one must experience it in order to fully understand what it is like. In two years, getting to know and to realize that there are so many other couples just like us riding the train. Approximately one in six couples.

Many times, since getting our long awaited positive pregnancy test, I have felt so humbled. Thankful that we were finally off that train and staring at it while it pulls away from the station. Watching the couples in the windows stare blankly at eachother.

Part of our journey will never be over, the impression on our hearts will last a lifetime. So every now and again, I think about our struggles and our despair. I am so glad that this was a prayer that God answered yes to. I now realize he wasn’t saying No all that time, he was saying, Not now.

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Craig M December 13, 2005 at 12:25 pm

So many nights of not knowing what to do. So many nights of hopes. So many, So many. Some days felt like they would never end. Others zoomed by. We had 12 chances each year to get pregnant. And we were lucky. Some don’t even get chances….others get 3 or 4 a year. But our stop came. And here we are some 24 weeks later. A whole new ride. I wish everyone on that other train could have a ride on this train, if only for a brief time.

Sweet Soul December 14, 2005 at 10:04 pm

It is the infinite wisdom of a higher power that bestows many gifts of life upon us. Your humbleness, appreciation, heartache, and now fullfilled dream….it’s all a part of a bigger picture. You never truly know your destination in life, until you get on the train and ride! I’m glad that your ride has been fruitful. That you will know the joys of parenthood. And, that you will always have that ride to remind you for the rest of your life….just how blessed you are today.
Love and Hugs

Rumour Miller December 15, 2005 at 11:56 am

As painful as it was, I don’t think I would change it at all. I think Craig and I have learned so much about eachother, our relationship and our true desire to have children.

Quote from Finnish hockey player living in our house: “What doesn’t kill ya, makes ya stronger” (even though he was referring to the very hot chicken wings that we ate last night…LOL).

Sweet Soul December 15, 2005 at 2:46 pm


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