An entire year has come and gone since Tim died.
My family will be gathering to support one another and to remember Tim. Part of me yearns to be there but part of me is thankful that I am not. I find it too stressful and heartwrenching. I just want to be with Craig, alone. I don’t think that I will cry today. At least I do not think it will be heartwrenching sobs and tears. A tear or two may fall. I know that if I was with my family I would cry because of their pain. As much as I miss Tim, I do not have any pain. I have accepted it and am able to let it go.
This time last year, Craig and I had just recently experienced an early pregnancy loss and were trying to save this cycle. The news about Tim’s health came right before I was expected to ovulate and we knew that the cycle would be a bust because I was too stressed out and worried to do much of anything. The Saturday that my mother called me and told me that Tim was in the hospital, I knew that we had to go and be with him and the family. I never dreamed that a few days later he would be gone.
For today I am praying that our family will start to heal and that their pain will lessen. I pray that my Aunt and Uncle, Mom and Dad, Sister, cousins, Tim’s wife and children are able to let go of their grief.
We will always miss Tim but I don’t think he would want us to “stand at his grave and weep, he is not there because he does not sleep.”
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
– Mary Frye
{ 4 comments }
My thoughts are with your family. How was Tim related to you?
Tim was one of my first cousins. In a large family – we were very close. He was especially close with my parents and they treated him like a son. He was there, daily, for my sister after the death of her baby.
I had a good afternoon. Went for lunch with mom and Pauline. Then, we went down town, got flowers, did a little shopping. It was a light day. Bitched a little, laughed a little….it was a good day.
i went and spent an hour with pauline today we talked alittle about tim but i am more worried about her,this is hard to say but i would love to have my older sister back the way she was before and i know that will never happen for a very big part of her went with him i miss them both now i need to go cry for awhile love you lots