The Infertility Clinic

As in the one I was at today. And the story goes a little like this, okay, alot like this…

I have to begin by mentioning that when I booked my appointment, Craig and I decided that it would not be appropriate for me to walk in carrying the stinkin cutest baby we ever did see… Seriously though, we wanted to be sensitive to the other patients waiting in the clinic. I am quite certain that the last thing they wanted to see was me sitting there holding my smiling baby. And to be honest, it was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

So I picked Craig up at work and we made the trek to the other side of the city where he and Piper enjoyed a bottle and a bite of lunch in the van while I went on inside. This is one nice thing about our recent move. We are now very close to our Infertility Clinic.

It felt odd. strange. surreal. To be walking into that clinic again. It seems like just yesterday that we walked out of that clinic together. After our last appointment where we discussed taking a longer clomid break and then move onto IVF if we were not pregnant in six months.
It was after that appointment when I POAS to see the biggest, baddest, most glorious positive pregnancy test in our whole wide world.

Today, I felt like an imposter. A fraud. A backstabbing former member of the infertility club. I felt as though the anxious couples sitting in the waiting room would see right through me and maybe even whisper to eachother, wondering what the hell I was doing there when I already had a baby.

But as I sat there it all came flooding back. It was that clinic gave us hope in our world full of negative pregnancy tests and tears. That clinic gave us options in our world where nature just was not and is not enough. As I sat there waiting for my name to be called I said thank you. thank you. thank you. To no one in particular. To God. Inside my head. In my heart. As I sat there I prayed to be blessed with at least one more miracle although my heart really wants three more.

And when I finally sat down with Dr. Babymaker he took one look at my file and said, “It’s been a long time since I have seen you. How come?”

And my answer to him was simple, honest and true…

“Because we got lucky.”

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On a procedural note I will be going on the pill in order to start cycling again and hopefully stunt some of this PCOS unwanted hair growth. I told Dr. Babymaker that deep down inside I was scared that it was the Pill that “did” this to me in the first place. He told me no. The Pill just masks or hides your symptoms it didn’t do this to you and it won’t “cure” you either.