Confessions of an Infertile Mother

by Rumour Miller on February 17, 2009

Pin It

I still dream of winning the Twin lottery. I guess I always kind of thought that if we were on fertility drugs and had twins, we were winners of the Twin lottery or the Infertility lottery. If we never got lucky again, we would have two children.

Then we had Piper… a singleton and I was relieved it wasn’t two. But those little hopes or dreams of twins didn’t disappear. I know the risks associated with carrying twins… I know.

Then we had Davilyn… another singleton and I was relieved it wasn’t two. But, still, those little hopes or dreams of twins still have not disappeared. And I still know the risks associated with carrying twins and I am even more aware of the risks I, personally, would face if I carried twins.

I have difficulty pregnancies.
I have had first trimester spotting and bleeding.
I have had second trimester spotting and bleeding.
I have, both times, had gestational diabetes.
I cannot carry a singleton pregnancy to term.
My first daughter was born 4 weeks early.
My second daughter was born almost 6 weeks early.
Both have spent 8 – 12 days in the NICU.
So far and thank God, neither have shown any effects of their premature beginnings.

Those do not make good odds for me carrying a twin pregnancy. Despite the fact that I have already won the Infertility lottery (twice!)I still think of twins with a little gallop in my heart. I also know just how very overwhelming twins would be.

Follow Me on Pinterest


sky girl February 17, 2009 at 6:13 pm

I used to think having twins would be very cool. But now, I think I’d lose my mind. One Chicka is enough for anyone. šŸ™‚

Kitkat February 18, 2009 at 7:50 am

I used to dream of hitting the Twin Lottery too. Now, I can’t imagine dealing with 2 at once!

Love the new look on the blog! I hadn’t stopped by in a few days, so not sure how long it’s been up, but it looks great!!!

Soralis February 18, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Lucky me, I won the lottery twice! (only I lost one the second time šŸ™ )

Since I have had just one I have realized how much time is spent just getting through the day with twins. I love all my kids but I do think the twins lost the ‘attention’ lottery. Everything seems to always be split between the two of them, as much as we try not to.

Of course I feel incredibly lucky to have them in my life, but I often wonder if I had them one after another then maybe they would have had more one on one time with mom or dad?

Either way I am just lucky to have made it through the infertility nightmare! šŸ™‚

Enjoy your adorable girls!

Jen February 18, 2009 at 9:19 pm

Having twins is amazing. I never thought I’d be a twin mom. That being said I am so loving having one this time. Both ways are great. And I, like you, feel beyond blessed to have gotten so “lucky” twice.

Piccinigirl February 19, 2009 at 9:57 am

I think every infertile feels that way sometimes, I can’t talk to the ‘what ifs” because I got the twins, and I am exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious all the time…but I won the Twin lottery. LOL

My pregnancy was awful and they were 5 weeks early.

yet, I don’t think it’s wrong to hide those feelings, you feel them and they are not bad. We all wonder about the what ifs??? and hey Rumor…you never know…:)


tz February 25, 2009 at 12:13 pm

The heart wants what it wants even when the mind tries to talk the heart out of it…

We are done w/ having children, but a part of me hopes hubby’s vasectomy comes undone and it’s out of our hands…and if it’s twins that much better…even though I know i’m too old, we don’t have enough room, money or time!

Previous post:

Next post: