Lonely?

by Rumour Miller on December 14, 2009

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I belong to a mom’s group. We get together mostly for play dates. Occassionally for Moms Night Out but mostly we keep in touch on the internet and help each other out as we tackle this thing called Parenthood.

Get togethers are difficult to schedule, including play dates, especially when some of the Moms are working (like me). So we actually don’t see a whole lot of everyone. None the less, it is a group that I keep in touch with and we talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of having children, being women and having spouses.

Our spouses do not know each other.

Craig and I know a few couples that we like to spend time with and we don’t even get to see them all that often. The hectic day to day life gets in the way, which is completely understandable. But, I am lonely for the interaction… the friendship and even family. I am lonely for experiences that my children will not have. There is no extended family, no cousins to play with. No one just stopping by for coffee or to visit. And partly that is our fault. We live no where near either of our families. A decision that we made. My parents and sister do what they can and we see them as often as we can.

Unfortunately, unless we travel to the East Coast… we do not see Craig’s brothers. Or his nieces and nephews (who are all teenagers). And I’m lonely because of it. We received a photo card from one of Craig’s brothers the other day and Piper wanted to see it. As she sat there staring, I had to introduce her to them. She doesn’t remember them. How could she. The last time she saw them she was 18 months old.

I think that Craig feels lonely about this too, but not in the same ways that I do. He did not grow up surrounded by lots of cousins, Aunts and Uncles. They were scattered across Canada as well.

So our friends have become important to us. They are who we go camping with, invite over for dinner or Barbeques, we enroll our children in programs together and try to see as often as all of our busy schedules will allow. Which isn’t often enough.

Making friends has become important to us but we did not realize (or I did not realize) just how difficult this was to actually do. So many things come into the equation once you become parents. Parenting styles, morals and values, interests, how well the children interact with one another and of course, how well the parents interact with one another. Those are quite a few conditions to satisfy.

And, I’m just feeling a bit lonely about it all.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Piccinigirl December 14, 2009 at 1:05 pm

I really understand this, I am lonely too..we get to see my mom a lot and my sister stays with us a lot during the week, but I miss my brother seeing his nephews grow up and JOhn's sister and brother have teenage girls who are involved in EVERYTHING and live in NJ..not too far away, but far enough that we can't just "stop by" …

I hope the lonely goes away . 🙂 HUGS

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sky girl December 14, 2009 at 2:13 pm

We are lucky to have my parents close by but that's it for family and all my old friends are back home. Making new friends has been difficult and a very slow process.

You've probably told me, but I can't remember where you live?

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Pauline December 14, 2009 at 4:43 pm

I can certainly understand what you are going through. I find it hard to find couples to be friends with as many people my age are still drinking and partying every weekend. It is also hard to find parents who believe in the same things we do.

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Rumour Miller December 14, 2009 at 4:50 pm

Sky Girl: I am smack in the middle of the prairies!

Kir: I hope it goes away too ;o)

Pauline: You would be surprised how many people our age that are still drinking and partying (with kids) and part of what makes it difficult to forge a friendship there. Socializing for us includes the kids and on the rare occasion, just the adults (but that is rare).

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sky girl December 15, 2009 at 8:27 am

Oh. Too bad. Guess that means you can't come for dinner?

🙂

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Rumour Miller December 15, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Sky: Dinner tonight is a no go

🙂

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Soralis December 16, 2009 at 2:56 am

I think I may understand where you are coming from. Being an only child I have felt that kind of lonely my entire life. It seems like the really good friends are few and far between as well.

Hugs… (you and Sky girl need to come over for dinner! 🙂 )

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