The one where she talks about breast feeding

by Rumour Miller on December 16, 2009

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And how she would kinda, sorta, really like to be able to do it. And how she is planning to will herself to not care when she can’t do it. again. for a third time.

What is it about our society that makes us question every move we make as parents and every decision we decide or don’t decide for that matter. What is it about our society that points fingers at babies drinking from a bottle, or a mother nursing in public. We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

When my children are seen drinking from a bottle. It is (most often) assumed to be formula. In my case it is formula and despite that fact that I shouldn’t care and most times I don’t care… I am left wondering if they are thinking that I

a) don’t love my children enough to breast feed;
b) am too lazy to breast feed;
c) am too stupid to know that breast is best.
I don’t know which of those thoughts run through the minds of the people that I see in public places. Or if the thoughts are much worse, or slightly better. And, at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter. But it doesn’t change the fact that I wish I could decide if I was going to breast feed or not and how much this experience has left me feeling just a little inadequate.
I do have some fortune in all of this. Since this allows Craig to feed the baby too, including through the night. And he does. Without hesitation, he jumps up when our babies cry out in hunger regardless of the time. So this helps to ease my feelings.
As it turns out my breasts really are just sexual objects. They don’t work for their intended purpose. They don’t produce milk, or much of it. Certainly not enough to satisfy the needs of my babies but just enough to torment and annoy me for a few months.
I’m sure some day, after my babes have grown up a bit more, I will forget about this. It’s hard to see that day when another baby is due to arrive in the spring and I am thinking about buying formula and bottles.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

CAGB December 16, 2009 at 11:31 pm

I can relate to this. I have just terribly boobs, physically, for nursing. Neither of my girls have been able to latch. And, so I have bottlefed. I've been *lucky* enough to pump (although it took a while to get the hang of it and our Eleanor had about half formula). I think she and our Josephine both turned out just fine, but I've felt that anxiety many times. But, this too shall pass.

Friend of a friend of a friend. :o)

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CAGB December 16, 2009 at 11:31 pm

"terrible"

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Terri December 17, 2009 at 11:27 am

Nicole…just wondering if you have ever asked your doctor about taking a herb called fenugreek…it supposedly does wonders for increasing milk supply. My cousin was not making enough milk and within a day or so she couldn't believe the difference. Just a thought and if you do bottlefeed there is no reason to ever feel guilty…ever. Good luck and you just never know maybe this time you will be able to do it if that's what you want 🙂

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Rumour Miller December 17, 2009 at 11:29 am

I never used fenugreek, but I have been on other medications (domperidone) to increase milk supply as well as pumping etc. It didn't work for me at all.

The lack of milk supply has a lot to do with my infertility and the hormone imbalance.

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Terri December 17, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Aahh…okay was just a thought 🙂

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Heather December 19, 2009 at 9:20 am

Coming as someone who was able to bf her first child and then couldn't with the twins, I say don't worry about it. It is nice when you can do it, but if you can't don't beat yourself up. There are so many other things we do that make us great parents. Being able to breastfeed is not a requirement. I like to think the breastfeeding movement as being like the women's lib movement. It gives us a choice – work or not work, bf or not bf. Hang in there.

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All My Monkeys December 21, 2009 at 5:19 pm

Definitely a damned of you do, damned if you don't, thing. I did with my first three, and then the last one had latch problems. Only I didn't really know that. I took him to the dr because he kept crying and the ped almost accused me of not feeding him!@! It was a very frustrating time trying to figure out the problem. In the end, I wish I would have been more willing to "do what I could" at the breast and then bottle feed the rest of the time. But I too was so hard core about "I have to do this" that it about ruined the 2 and 3rd month of his life for me. We should just be happy that they are healthy, and that there is food, whatever form, to feed them. GL!

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