How do you make it work so well…

by Rumour Miller on August 19, 2010

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Gosh, I have been working on this post for a while. A friend asked me how Craig and I make it work so well (which by the way caught me totally off guard). It’s a tough question to answer because I actually did not know that we do. I mean, we are happy and living our life the way we want to, but I never really thought that much about it. I have never really given much thought about what other people see our marriage to be.

I’m not sure what kind of an answer she was looking for and I had a difficult time answering because there really isn’t a simple answer. There are many answers. All played together that make up our life. We aren’t perfect, that much I do know but we are doing our best.

I was very flattered by her question because I really do take pride in my relationship with my husband. It’s the most important one that I have and it is the foundation for our family’s life together. We work hard at it. In the days following that question, I started to think about what exactly it is that makes our marriage and parenting relationship work so well.
I believe that even some bad marriages start with love but love is a pretty important component of mine. I am totally and completely in love with Craig. I can’t fathom how relationships end because the love has gone. I also pray that this never happens to us. I hope on our 75th wedding anniversary we are still so much in love. That we are sitting on our front porch swing together remembering the life that we shared, the children we raised and hopefully the grandchildren that we are blessed with.
Supporting one another. Always. We have followed each other half way across the country, twice. For work. For family. I would follow Craig to the moon and back, if I needed to. I support his career aspirations and he supports my desire for a career/family life balance. It isn’t always easy but our small individual sacrifices reap big rewards for us.
Our family comes first. Above all others. Even, (gasp) our parents and siblings. Our marriage comes first. We have to put that above all the other components that make up our family life. Sometimes it is extremely hard. Especially with three small children who still need so very much from us. We try to carve out time for just the two of us and we probably don’t do it as often as we should. We spend most of our time together as a family and there really isn’t much we don’t do together. Right now, this is what matters to us. We struggled to have our little family and spending this time together, while we can, is very important to us.
It is hard to believe but there will come a day when our children are off with their friends and it will be just Craig and I. There will come a day when they don’t want to spend the weekend camping with us… and they won’t. It is hard to see those days when you are stuck in the middle of a two year old tantrum, a teething baby, and a four year old that sometimes thinks she is fourteen. However, I do know that those days are coming and I am trying to soak up the company of my little family now and enjoy it as much as I can.
Respect is a big one in our life. Respect for each other and respect for us as a couple and a family. I would never disrespect Craig in front of anyone else. Ever. If we were having a disagreement, this would never play out in front of others. Aside from our usual banter, playfulness and joking around, our dirty laundry does not hang out for others to see. We do not call each other names and do not belittle one another.
Early on in our marriage, we realized just how important laughter is. It needs to fill our home daily. In our first year as newly weds, we weathered three pretty big storms. I think that those storms had a huge impact on us and cemented the foundation for our life together. We made it through, together. We leaned on each other and relied on each other. We laughed together through it when all we wanted to do was cry. I am certain there will be many more times such as these in our lives.
We have the same parenting styles and expectations. We do have some differing opinions but the foundation, morals and values of our parenting are the same. We support each other in disciplining and we support each other with respect to nurturing our children as well. It’s hard when we don’t see things eye to eye, but we have decided that, when it comes to the children, as long we stand as a united front to the girls then we can disagree when they aren’t around.
We argue, but we do not fight. We will argue in front of the girls as well. I believe that it is healthy for them to see that their parents do not always agree on things but with some discussion (which is sometimes heated) we can come to a resolution… even if that resolution is that we agree to disagree.
Our life isn’t perfect and we are learning as we go. We make mistakes and there are days when we let the chaos of raising three young girls get the better of us. It’s hard. It’s the biggest challenge that we will ever face in our lives. We will continue to learn as we go and we will make mistakes, learn from them, and hopefully never make them again. I believe that as long as I continue to put Craig first, and our little family, that we will continue to succeed more than we fail.
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{ 1 comment }

DaisyGal August 20, 2010 at 1:42 pm

wow, wow, this was a great post.

I agree, all these things that make your marriage work and your life work are things that are so common but are also so important to the kind of life you want to live.

I can see in your smiles in pictures and the happiness in the girls what you two bring to the table and give one another, you help one another cope and you love with no barriers, no conditions…

it's something for every couple to want to emulate.


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