It’s in the X’s and the Y…

by Rumour Miller on September 19, 2010

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(Here it is. Craig’s post. Unedited.)

I am the lone Y in a house full of X’s. One man, one woman, three girls. And I am cool with that. In fact, when Nicole was pregnant with Thing 2 and Thing 3, I had hoped for another girl, both times. I can’t really say why; there is no single reason. I just felt comfortable with the thought of raising girls… Daddy’s little girls and all the good things that come with that. It might change in ten to fifteen years, but for now, it’s all good.

When Nicole and I were first together, she would always say that she wanted four children. I always wanted two. I guess it is no surprise that we now have three. Three is good. It’s busy. But good. Great, actually. When I talk about our family, especially to people starting their families, I always say that having our first baby was a game changer. Going from one child to two children wasn’t too bad. But going from two to three was a another game changer. Outnumbered. I cannot image four. It makes me a bit sad because of Nicole’s desire for four children. But I know that three will be right for us. Three will keep us busy.

A full rack of sugar and spice.

Four scares me… it really does. I don’t know if I could handle another child. Going thru another pregnancy (I know – I am not the pregnant one, but watching Nicole go thru the complications that pregnancy throws her way is very difficult). Going thru another NICU stay. Going thru the newborn infant stage.

As I quickly approach the age of 39, I think to myself that I am starting to feel old. Some mornings I wake up and my back hurts. Or I get up in the middle of the night to pee. Unheard of 10 years ago. But, I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and (an almost) 6 month old who count on me being able to get up and go. They count on me to meet their needs. Jumping on a trampoline. Or riding a back breaking kiddie roller coaster at Tinkertown. I am determined that their youth will not be affected by my age. Except, maybe, when I am on the floor and they jump on my back, somewhat unannounced, to play horsey.

We have been through a lot together as a couple and as a family. Infertility (It can happen to you. Relaxing and stressing about it will not help). Job loss. Relocations. It has made us strong. It has made us lonely. It has made us cry. Most importantly, it has made us laugh (I asked for a day off, not a layoff). We have made it through. Together. Beside each other.

I think I am a pretty good husband and father. I, of course, drive Nicole nuts with those little idiosyncrasies … like always forgetting the diaper bag, not hearing what she says to me or forgetting something that she has told me about or asked me to do.

I think the world of her and have the utmost respect for her and what she does – both in the house and at work. I know she is a great lawyer. I have had others tell me that. She is a great mother. When I try to take two or all three of the kids out … it’s a slow and tedious gong show. Getting everyone ready and trying not to forget anything is a challenge (many of my independent outings have been a rush on account of forgetting the diaper bag and hurrying to get errands done before needing a diaper change). These are daily things for Nicole, which she does well.

At the end of the day … I think we are a great couple and have a great family. We are a gong show at times but we have fun. We have always put our family first and foremost. We do things together. Spend our time together. I believe that this is important for family unity.

We have high expectations for our children. We want them to succeed in life and have strong life skills. It is up to us to put them on the path to success and give them the tools for life that they require. Work ethic. Morals. Discipline. Manners. Respect. Humour.

As with all things we do, we will do it together. Beside each other. Supporting each other. With the occasional belly laugh.

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Jen September 20, 2010 at 7:20 pm

very nice! well said!

Lora September 21, 2010 at 8:12 am

Nicely done!

CAGB September 22, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Fun! This makes me happy, since you always write about how wonderful Craig is. :o) (But, I must admit, the weirdest thing here is that I totally did not know your name is Nicole. I kind of (totally, actually) thought it was Rumour. Haha. Well, I learn new things every day.) I loved this post!

Rumour Miller September 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm

It makes me giggle that you thought my name was Rumour.

I am hoping that Craig will add more posts now that he has his feet wet. I'd like to hear his perspective on Infertility and how he would blog about it.

DaisyGal September 24, 2010 at 9:46 am

it was a great post Craig, and a wonderful LOVE LETTER to your *awesome* wife and beautiful Diva daughters.

I like hearing the male view, what you see when you see infertility or family life or children being children.

I enjoyed reading this a lot..good job!

Julia October 3, 2010 at 1:29 am

You know that you two were made for each other when Craig includes the phrase "Gong show" in his post.

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