Another Season

Fall is one of my favourite times of the year.  It’s fresh, it’s cool and it’s crisp.  I love everything about fall, including the fact that winter will follow.  I love having different seasons.  When I am smack in the middle of a long hot, mosquito ridden summer, I am thankful for fall.  After a long, cold, snow packed winter, I welcome Spring with open arms.

There are times during each season when I’m not happy with it.  There are parts of each season that are not so good.  In my neck of the woods, summer means mosquitos.  Big, ugly, fun killing mosquitos.  In my neck of the woods, winter is long and it’s cold.  It gets so cold here that even dogs don’t want to go outside.  School buses get cancelled.  I curse the freezing temperatures and hibernate until spring.

Sometimes, I feel that way about parenting.  It’s true.  While I feel that I am mostly rocking this parenting thing… there are days when I really feel like I am failing.  Those days can be few and far between but they often cast a shadow over the rest of the days.  It’s not fair.  It’s not realistic.  It is, however, true.

I try to wake up each and every day with a smile on my face to greet the girls… and, most days, I do.  I welcome them into my bed for a snuggle.  I make them a hot breakfast of their choice, even if it means more work and more to clean up.  I let them pick out their own clothes (with some guidance, of course) and I let them dress themselves, if they want.  I let them make a mess and I try really hard not to care.  We bake cookies and cake and we make play-doh.  Those are my good seasons.  They happen more often than the notsogood seasons.

The notsogood seasons, stay with me.  All day.  All week.  I will go back to that season, time and time again, wishing it had been different.  Those days when I am tired from the constant waking up the night before.  Those days when frustrations are high and patience are lacking.  Those days when naps are fought and sisters are fighting.  Those days when the mess is bothersome.  Those days when Quinn is cranky and wants to be held.  But will only be held by me.  Those days when I raise my voice more than I should or more than I would like to.  Those days when I discipline by spanking.  These are the days when I feel like I am failing.

The one thing that I can be thankful for is that those notsogood seasons of parenting happen much less than the good seasons.  They are few and I am thankful for that.  And, sometimes, we can be rejuvinated by nap time.  Sometimes those notsogood seasons change midday.  After nap time.  That makes me sing praises to the changing of the seasons.

It’s hard not to be hard on ourselves.  To think that we are not doing enough.  To feel like there are days when we are failing as parents.  Failing our children.  To be guilt ridden.  I have to remind myself that these days will not last forever.

That it is just a season and this too shall pass.