Month 12 – Letter to Quinn

by Rumour Miller on March 23, 2011

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Dearest Quinn~

Happy 1st Birthday, Chickadee! Gosh, I cannot believe that it has been a year.

525,600 minutes gone by in the blink of an eye. It feels like just yesterday that your Daddy and I were driving to the hospital, knowing that it would be the day that we would all meet face to face. We knew each other instantly. Of course we did, we had 35 glorious weeks getting to know one another.

I will always remember that day. The day that you were born.  The day when our family became complete.  Even when I am old and grey. When I am celebrating the birth of your babies, I will remember the day that you were born.

The thought of you has been with us for as long as I can remember. Once again, the smallest of beings 6 lbs 14.4 oz grabbed hold of our hearts. Our sun now sets and rises to three little girls… Our sun sets and rises to you.

I continue to be amazed that I had any involvement in your creation… something so perfect. I have so many hopes and dreams for you. So many things that I want you to see and do. I have so many things that I wish for you, but mostly I just wish that your life is just as you want it to be.  I wish for you a life full of happiness and love.

As sad as I am to see the end of this chapter in our lives, I am so very excited to watch you embark on the toddler years.  I look forward to your personality and your independence developing.  I can already see some strong traits emerging and you are becoming YOU.

I am so thankful that I had one more chance to share my bed with one of my children.  Your sister, Davilyn, never took to sleeping in our bed and that has been very bittersweet for me.  (Something that I never dreamed I would be saying).  The transition from our bed to your own crib went so smoothly and I love that you are a great little sleeper all on your own.  I do miss that extra snuggle and cuddle that comes with sharing sleeping quarters but I am forever thankful for those first 6 months that you were in our room and in our bed.  I want you to know that if you decide that you want to sleep next to us, you are always welcome.  No matter how old you are.  I will always pull back the sheets to let you in…

I have returned to work and you took to spending our days apart without any fuss.  My heart is at ease knowing that you are not pining for me (like I am for you).  You have adjusted to Nanny A as well and our mornings together are short but sweet.  My favourite part of the day is coming home to you and your sisters.  You all greet me at the door with big smiles, lots of hugs and plenty of kisses.

The past year has gone by so fast and before I know it your big sisters will be in school and I will be sending you off to preschool with a backpack on your back.  You will give us a hug and a kiss and not a backward glance as you join your friends in your new classroom.  As much as I will have joy at watching you do these things, my heart aches just a little bit to know just how quickly time goes by.

Before I know it, you will be far to embarrassed by any display of public affection and then even being seen with us will no longer cool.  It’s so hard to believe that those days are ahead of us… but they are.  Instead of asking us for a ride to the movies, you will be asking us for the keys to the car.  Or you, Piper and Davilyn will all be fighting over the keys to the car.  We will be left sitting on the couch, just your Daddy and I, wondering when exactly it was that our baby girl grew up.

I think about your future and I wonder if you will be like your Daddy and move thousands of miles from home…  Even though this would break my heart, I would let you go.  I might eventually move in next door, but I would let you go.

So for now, I kiss you whenever I can.  I kiss your head, your belly, your feet, your nose, your knees and your toes.  I kiss your sticky little hands and your slobbery little mouth.  I do this often.  Multiple times a day because before I know it, you won’t want me to be doing this at all.  You will be far too busy and off doing too many things.

It’s hard to believe right now, Quinn, but there will come a time in your life when you will be completely embarrassed by the fact that your Daddy kicks back in his boxer shorts and your Mommy sings out loud and off key.  You will be mortified, but we will do it anyway (and we will enjoy every minute of it) and Quinn, when you have a family of your own, you will know why.

My hope is that my letters to you will be there during our hardest times together.  When you stomp off to your room in anger that you will remember how very much you are loved.  That you are very much wanted.  My hope is that when you hit your tween and teen years that these letters will be a source of comfort to you during times when you are confused.  That they will comfort you during those times when you are discovering exactly who you are.  I hope that our relationship does not become strained and distant like some Mother and Daughters and I promise to work very hard every day so that does not happen.

I promise to you that I will always tell you what you mean to me.  That I prayed to have you in my life and that my love for you grew long before you did.  That when you were just a heartbeat, we fell so in love with you (unknown). Your Daddy and I carried you in our hearts for a long time before we were able to carry you in our arms.

So, Chickadee, this is the happiest of days for us and a reason to put on our party dresses and our dancing shoes.  Happy 1st Birthday, Happy 1st Birthday, Happy 1st Birthday dear Quinner…. Happy 1st Birthday to you!

Mama loves you, Chickadee,

Love Mama

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