Dear Body of Mine

by Rumour Miller on May 20, 2011

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Stop betraying me!  You are not allowed to do what you want!  You never have been very good at cooperating with me.  Everything with you has been a struggle.  I feel as though I have been relatively good to you. I am doing my best to get you and keep you in tip-top shape so stop fucking with me!

Sincerely;  The One Who is Actually in Charge!


On Monday when I saw my OBGYN, she attempted to do a biopsy at that time.  I had originally thought she was trying to get a biopsy of my cervix, next time I should maybe relax a bit and actually listen to her.  She wants to do a biopsy of my uterine lining (for the same reason… to check for pre cancerous cells or cancer).  She was unable to open my cervix in order to take the biopsy so she gave me a prescription that would help open my cervix and I was to use it 4 to 8 hours before my appointment today.  Well it opened my cervix a bit but it was not enough for her to actually get what she needed.  All of that and she still wasn’t able to get what she needed.  It frackin’ hurt!  I was crying from the pain.  So guess what.  I get to go to the hospital and have day surgery!  She has no surgical openings until the end of September.  She will give me an IV medicine to relax me, freeze my cervix and then go on in and get what she needs.  This has to be done in the operating room.

So she has prescribed another birth control pill for me to try.  I will see her in August for a follow-up and a pre-op appointment.  I am not crazy about waiting but that’s healthcare in Canada for you.

It’s been a long week.  So many thoughts running through my head.  I have to put this out of my mind for the summer, or I will go batshit crazy.  Thinking about the what ifs will drive me to the loony bin (and probably Craig too). On a positive note, My Doctor does not believe that anything is wrong.  She just wants to make sure.  Apparently this is normal procedure for someone who has had such a change in cycles like I have had.  Still doesn’t make this any easier.  I would much rather not be facing this at all.  I mean, who would.  Right.

I guess I might not actually have to wait for September, what with the world ending tomorrow and everything…. *eye roll*

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Kels May 20, 2011 at 8:41 pm

So glad your doc just “wants to be sure”, and hopefully your 3 Divas will keep you so busy all summer, you won’t have as many of those dark moments when you worry. You’ll be in my thoughts! (I had that procedure 12 years ago – nothing to worry about.) xoxo

Heather Howard May 20, 2011 at 9:00 pm

ACK! What an awful experience! I am so sorry you have to wait until September. I know it won’t be easy, but just try and only think positively! I feel for you. It is not fair to have constant worry/fear. I myself have lived with constant worry about a different topic, but it isn’t healthy for anyone. ((hugs!))

Pauline May 22, 2011 at 11:37 am


I can understand your frustration as I have had to deal with health issues “female related” in the past as well. I would highly suggest going through these two websites:

Both women have written books on the issues you have previously have had and the ones you are currently dealing with. I understand you want to control your body just with your mind however because each of our bodies are different they need different nutrients in different amounts in order to maintain the best state of health.

Have you ever been to a naturopath? Possibly trying a different route is what you need.


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