49 and counting…
No sign of a new cycle at all.
I can feel it creeping in, the
sadness and worry.
I am infertile, I am infertile,
I am infertile.
Will I ever be pregnant again?
I am dying to pee on a stick
but am so scared that it will
be a negative and then here
we go again.
We aren’t even trying for baby
number two but I cannot stand
the thoughts that are seeping in.
Are we in for another painful ride
on that fucking infertility train?
Most women are happy to not
have to deal with the crimson
bitch… but I long for her return
because when she arrives and
a new cycle begins I feel so “normal”
and have hope. I don’t think about
being infertile, I don’t think about
the future being plagued with
difficulty conceiving. When I am
cycling regularly, I feel like I am a fertile.
But I am not and the wound is beginning
to open once again.
{ 1 comment }
I really hope you don’t have to go down the IF road again. Wishing you the best.