The post I’ve really been wanting to write

by Rumour Miller on September 30, 2007

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Is this one… about how sad I actually am that we
had a miscarriage. Days like last weekend are
great distractions but when those distractions are
gone, I am left with my thoughts. And my broken

I am on cycle day 38 (counting first day of my
miscarriage as day 1). No sign of confirmed
ovulation and no sign of a new cycle on it’s way.

I am surrounded by pregnant ladies, new babies
and returning from maternity leave mothers, at
work. I’d hope all that fertileness would touch
my life and I am still hoping.

Deep down inside, I have a fear that Piper will
be my only child. So, I snuggle with her at nap
time and run to her when she whimpers at night
and she still spends most of her night between
her Daddy and I. The years are slipping by so
fast and I don’t want to wake up in five years and
wish I had snuggled her more. When she rejects
my snuggles for her own independence, I want
to feel a warmth, that I took advantage of her
cuddly years.

So I am doing things differently than I ever imagined
that I would. I am surprised by some of my reactions,
including the co-sleeping, especially the co-sleeping.
But I just can’t tell you how good it feels to wake up
in the middle of the night and see the two loves of
my life sleeping peacefully beside me. I can’t explain
how my heart bursts when Piper wakes me in the
morning with a hug, a kiss, and a loud MAMA!

It’s no wonder I want three more.

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soralis September 30, 2007 at 11:27 pm

Thinking of you… so glad you have that cute little girl to love. They do grow way to fast though don’t they. Take care

Pauline October 2, 2007 at 8:42 am

My prayers are with you Nicole, Craig and Piper!

Heather October 2, 2007 at 1:38 pm

Hang in there. There have to be more babies for us to love. It is true, time does go so fast. My Phoebe is turning seven years old this Saturday. We’ve been trying for a second child since she was born and it hurts that it hasn’t happened for us. She deserves to be a big sister as much as we deserve another baby. Lots of luck and hugs.

Sam and Brian October 2, 2007 at 3:33 pm

I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this. It’s not fair and Lord knows it’s not fun. I’ve noticed I’ve also lightened up on getting everything “right” with Nolan…if he is to be my one miracle, then I will ENJOY EVERY SECOND! I do believe that we’ll get more blessings and no one can say we won’t be stronger for this struggle we’re going through. Thinking of you lots.

Dodi October 3, 2007 at 11:17 am

My heart is touched by your situation. You are blessed, and I just know when the right soul is ready you will be blessed again. (No, I’m not an overly religious person… just someone who realizes that babies are truly a miracle.)

I also “get” the whole huge feeling of love when your husband and child are all in bed together for sleep. There isn’t a cozier, more complete feeling in the entire world.

Sending thousands of fertile and healthy pregnancy thoughts your way!

Piccinigirl October 15, 2007 at 12:48 pm

I don’t believe for one moment that Piper will be an only child and I pray that your dream of another baby comes true…soon, very soon.

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