It seems so ridiculous that I would be typing a post to share about being Infertile by Choice. It is certainly not something that I gave much thought to before we became pregnant and had our girls. It was not until after Davilyn was born and we were talking about having at least one more that we started to discuss permanent methods of birth control.
It wasn’t until after we conceived Quinn that I even thought I could have an unplanned pregnancy. Conceiving her happened almost immediately for us. Even though I was on metformin (which was the drug that eventually helped us to conceive), we started to think that an unplanned pregnancy was a possibility for us. We talked about being done after having 3 children. We agreed that we were done after three children. So, it just seemed that we should be responsible and discuss a permanent method of birth control. Craig thought it was a great idea. I was not completely sold, but I knew it would be for the best.
I am really happy with having 3 Divas and there are still days that I really want just one more. Only, I’m not sure if it is actually a desire for another child or if I am having difficulty letting go of our fertility and our baby days.
So, Craig made an appointment for a vasectomy and I was all like, “OH HELL NO!” So we really started talking about it and I would casually slip in, “Let’s have another baby” into our daily conversation. You know, to see if he would change his mind. He was steadfast in his decision and it was okay with me. I won’t lie, if he would have said yes, we would be having baby number 4. I had quite some time to adjust to our decision to take permanent measures and really close the book on this chapter of our lives.
You know what? I was still sad. On the day of Craig’s procedure, I was sad. Even now, days after, I am sad about it. I did not get that overwhelming sense of being done, like many of you speak of. Craig gave a little when I asked for another baby after Davilyn. Now it is my turn to give a little when he tells me he is done. I am okay with the decision that we have made but I am still sad about it, for now.